Now back to your regularly scheduled program:
Since I’m tired of seeing people protest in foreign countries like Egypt, Libya, and Wisconsin, I thought I would start my own news program right here on the Opto-Mom Blog. Some of these issues are recent; a few are a little older, but I felt that they definitely required my attention.
WORKIN’ IT AT THE GOAT PAGEANT
Saudi Arabia recently held its “Most Beautiful Goat” contest in Riyadh. Miss Riyadh, clearly the hometown favorite, won the coveted title, along with a year’s supply of tin cans. Her owner won a year’s supply of K-Y Jelly.
|"Help meeeeee! He touches me in my no-no place!"|
|I'm too sexy for this cage!|
Supermodel, work (cover girl!),
Work it, girl (give us a twirl!),
Do your thang,
On the runway.
Miss Jeddah won the titel of Miss Congeniality, which was voted on by her peers. She had recently overcome an eating disorder, and blew the audience and judges away with her speech entitled, “Fat Goats Give Better Lovin‘.” I tell you, there was not a dry eye in the place.
|The Bulging Beauty from Jeddah|
The whole pageant was udderly fantastic.
Studies show that individuals with dwarfism in a remote community of Ecuador rarely get diabetes or cancer. I knew those little guys were magical! Maybe it’s the rainbows that keep the diseases away.
I guess this proves the old adage that “bigger is not always better.”
DUDE GOLFS LIKE A LADY
Lana Lawless was a women’s long-drive champion. Before that, she was a 245-pound SWAT member…and a man. The Ladies Professional Golf Association (LPGA) denied her application to qualify for their tour, citing that participants must be born female to compete.
There is a reason that the women have their own organization and don’t usually compete with the men. In general, men drive the ball harder and longer than women. Just because she got her weiner whacked off and added some boobs, it doesn’t mean that she has lost that advantage.
|Her femininity is obvious.|
On a related note, I was thinking about growing fur so I could be in that goat pageant next year. I would totally kick those bitches’ asses! Have you seen me in an evening gown? Baaaaaaaah!