Today we will be discussing the Adult Baby phenomenon.
I’m not talking about when your husband gets the sniffles and pretends he’s dying so you have to bring him food in bed and give him a sponge bath. And you know he’s totally milking his illness for the sponge bath part, right?
No, I’m talking about Stanley Thornton. Even his name sounds gooberific.
I just made up the word “gooberific.” Feel free to use it in your day-to-day operations.
Stanley, even though he is now 30 years old, lives his life as a baby. He drinks from a bottle, sucks a pacifier, and sleeps in a crib. And he is spoon-fed by his “mommy.”
Oh yeah, let’s talk about his “mommy.” Playing the role of boobalicious baby mama is his roommate, a former nurse who spoon feeds him, and babies him. I’m going to show you a picture of them, but please try not to get too aroused.
Stanley was recently highlighted on the National Geographic channel's show, "Taboo." Here is a clip. You've totally gotta watch this shit!
Is everyone feeling better about themselves now? Yeah, me too.
And the best part about all of this is that Stanley lives off of our taxpayer dollars! Yay! I'm so happy to be supporting this guy who is able to design and build his own furniture, yet refuses to get a fucking job.
When an Oklahoma senator suggested that we shouldn't be supporting able-bodied individuals with disability payments, widdle Stanley-Poo pitched a big fat baby tantrum. Here is his statement:
“You wanna test how damn serious I am about leaving this world, screw with my check that pays for this apartment and food. Try it. See how serious I am. I don’t care. I have no problem killing myself. Take away the last thing keeping me here, and see what happens. Next time you see me on the news, it will be me in a body bag.”
I think somebody needs his widdle mouth washed out with some soapy-poo!
Here are my thoughts on the situation:
1. Those Legos are way too small and are a choking hazard for an infant. His mommy should take them away and make him play with the big chunky ones.
2. Where do they find diapers that big? Also, I don't EVEN want to know who changes his diapers...gack!
|Stanley's diapered ass - What woman wouldn't want a piece of that?|
4. If he is able to switch to "adult mode" when he leaves the house, then he can use adult mode when he's at the house. He just chooses not to.
5. His teeth seem kind of yellow. Babies should NOT be smoking!
6. I think that if he wants to be treated like a baby, his driver's license should be revoked, and he should only be allowed to watch Teletubbies and Barney on TV.
7. Lots of people have hard childhoods. Get the fuck over it!
I'll just leave you with a couple of pictures that came up when I Googled "Adult Baby."
|I think that's actually an anal plug.|
|Damn you, Google! Damn you to Hell!|