The Opto-Mom is… is… 40?
Yep, it’s true. My birthday was in September, but I've just now gotten up the courage to admit it.
This was me about 40 years ago:
|All together now....."Awwwwww!"|
And this is me today:
|Fabulous at Forty!|
On this prestigious occasion, shall we take a look back through the adventurous life of one silly Opto-Mom? Yes, yes. I think we shall.
Before I could even walk, I managed to climb up the drawer handles next to the refrigerator, and when my mom came back from the bathroom, I was sitting ON TOP of the refrigerator. This was only the beginning of my exploits and, therefore, a life of boisterous merriment for my parents.
When I was a toddler, my cousins and I would sneak into the refrigerator and eat butter right from the stick. Our moms would come in and there would be tiny little tooth prints in the butter.
From the ages of 5-7, I was obsessed with hair. I once took a round brush and rolled it up all the way to my scalp, at which point it got tangled and stuck there. It took 6 hours and 2 hairdressers to get it unwound. I also enjoyed cutting hair…mine and any friends or cousins who dared to get near me when I was wielding a pair of scissors.
My childhood home was right near the railroad tracks, so I adapted by sleeping VERY soundly. My parents would hear a THUNK in the middle of the night, and when they got up to investigate, I would be curled up on the floor beside my bed, still fast asleep. Also, I could sleep through a smoke alarm, which would inevitably go off every time my mom made gravy for breakfast.
When I was about 8, I wanted to sing “The Devil Went Down To Georgia” at church because I thought it highlighted the triumph of good over evil.
My sister is 12 years younger than me, and when she was a baby, I accidentally threw her in the ceiling fan. This has had far-reaching implications on her mental status, with which we are still dealing today.
My mom always told me that if I had questions about sex, to ask her. So I talked to her once about a rumor that was going around school. I asked her if it was true that if you sneezed 3 times in a row, it was the same feeling as when you are “doing it” and have an orgasm. She replied, “Apparently, SOMEBODY'S ‘doing it’ wrong.”
Well, now that I've either bored or entertained you with my lifetime anecdotes, I guess I'll go take a nap. You know, we