Things That Get On My Damn Nerves - Chapter 2

This chapter will deal with things from reality TV that get on my damn nerves. Most of these are abundantly overused catchphrases and questions that just make me wanna scream!

I absolutely LOVE some genres of reality TV, but there are others…ehhh, not so much. Take Survivor, for instance; I’ve tried watching it, but I just can’t get into it. I’ve heard that Jimmy Johnson (former Dallas Cowboys coach) will be on the upcoming season of Survivor, so I might just have a change of heart. If we could just get Jerry Jones on there, I think it would be quite a violent season and totally worth watching!

Enough rambling….here we go:

1. “What does this mean to you?” This is asked on many reality shows like American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance, but it’s become a staple question on every single episode of America’s Got Talent (AGT) this year. OMG, I am so freakin’ tired of hearing Nick Cannon ask this question of every contestant!!! And the answer EVERY SINGLE TIME is, “Oh, it means everything to me!” Just once I would like someone to say, “Well, it doesn’t really mean that much. I just came on the show to meet chicks.” Please, for the love of God, stop asking this question!

2. “I want to know if he’s really here for me.” Ok, this one is from The Bachelorette. Yes, I’m embarrassed to say that I watch this crazy show. I’ve always thought The Bachelor and The Bachelorette were just plain stupid…until one Monday night when I watched it out of sheer boredom. Then I was hooked, dammit! Anyway, our lovely Bachelorette, Ali, says this phrase (or a variation: “Is he really here for the right reasons?”) every week! I have to admit that it’s better than the catchphrase from past seasons: “He really put himself out there.” I swear, every time a girl said that, I pictured the dude walking around with his weiner hanging out. Now THAT, my friends, would be putting himself out there and much more worthy of discussing.

3. “What have you sacrificed to be here?” Good Lord! Does this really matter? Does it make you more talented if you’ve quit your job to be on a TV show? If you’ve left your wife and child to seek fame and fortune in Hollywood, are we really supposed to think you’re all of a sudden the most talented singer, dancer, harmonica player, or whatever in the whole wide world? AGT is one of the worst at this because the judges perpetuate this myth. This year they have had contestants that have lost homes to Hurricane Katrina, have lost everything to the earthquake in Haiti, grew up in the ghetto, have cystic fibrosis, sing in subways, and live in a barn, just to name a few. It’s like the main part of the competition is to see who has the saddest story. The barn dwelling dude had to quit his job and move his wife into a barn to go on the show. WHAT? Then you’ve got the ones who leave their kids for months at a time, and everyone just thinks that’s soooooo awesome! Well, everybody except the poor kid! I think I’m going to go on AGT with this story: “I have 5 children who all suffer with diphtheria, Epstein-Barr virus, and scabies. I had to leave them in an orphanage just to come here and follow my dream of being the first SpongeBob Squarepants impersonator to win America’s Got Talent. {sniff, sniff} Can I have a moment to compose myself? Ok, that’s better. Oh, the reason I had to leave them in the orphanage is because their father died in a tragic volcano accident and my mother is unable to care for them due to the fact that she’s been in the hospital with recurrent syphilis. She only has 2 weeks to live, but when I left her bedside for the last time, she told me to follow my dreams. {sniff, sniff} My father can’t keep my kids because he’s schizophrenic. And diabetic. Did I mention that I was abused as a child? And that is why I am here sharing my talent with America. For my children. This means everything to me, errrr, them.”

4. “You really know who you are.” And “You just don’t know who you are as an artist.” These are from American Idol, the show that has mastered the art of inane catchphrases. What the hell does this even mean? It makes me want to go check my driver’s license just to make sure I know who I am! I did notice a trend associated with this phrase last season: If you have weird hair, lots of piercings, and excessive tattoos, then “you know who you are.” Otherwise, “you DON’T know who you are.” It doesn’t really matter whether or not you’re pitchy, dawg. Maybe if American Idol stopped making teenagers sing songs of the Beatles, they could figure out what direction they want to take their singing career and would truly know who they are!

Well, I guess I’ll go practice my SpongeBob impressions now. Thanks for listening to me rant! It really, really means EVERYTHING to me to have you guys follow my blog. After all, I’ve sacrificed EVERYTHING just to be here for you!