One evening I was watching TV with my 8-year-old daughter, the aforementioned Miss Smarty Pants (MSP), for those of you that have been following along with my blogs. It was late on a Friday night, and we were enjoying some quality time as fellow couch potatoes, watching old sitcoms. During the commercial break a pleasant voice came out of my TV. It said, “Are you tired of carrying around that extra weight?”
Me: “YES!”
TV Person: “Is it hard for you to get to the gym for expensive and time-consuming training or aerobic classes?”
Me: “Duh!”
TV Person: “Do you enjoy dancing?”
Me: “Yeah, baby! I love to shake my tailfeathers!”
TV Person: “Well, this is the workout video for you.”
Me: “Yippee!”
TV Person: “Try our fun and effective pole dancing instructional DVD! Lose weight while learning the most sexy and exotic moves we could find!” {Video of scantily-clad ladies grinding on chairs and spinning on poles accompanied the voice at this point.}
Me: {Shit, shit, shit! Fumbling for the remote and speaking in an extremely loud voice…} “SO HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?”
I finally got the channel changed after a seemingly endless 10 seconds of more spinning, bumping and grinding. I was shocked that they would show this commercial on anything other than the Spice Channel, but thought that maybe I had distracted MSP with my quick-thinking and witty conversation.
No such luck! The next day, we were in a very crowded restaurant when MSP piped up (in that really loud voice kids use when they are saying something inappropriate), “Hey, Mom. Remember that lady dancing on that pole last night? That was funny!”
Oh, dear Lord! Now everyone was looking at me like I had drowned a puppy or something, which I guess is normal if they have reason to believe you've been chillaxin' at the local strip joint with your small child. Why, oh why didn’t I have my finger on the power button in case some semi-porn popped up on TV Land? Well, perhaps because I wasn’t expecting to see strippers during a commercial break while watching Full House. Who would’ve thought???
Somehow we made it through the rest of lunch without anyone calling Child Protective Services, but I’ve learned my lesson now. I always keep the remote control in my hand at all times when my daughter is in the room.
And while we’re on the subject, what is up with all of the commercials touting Cialis and Viagra? And they show those during prime time, not just on late night TV! Exactly how do you explain erectile dysfunction to an 8-year-old? I think I’ll discuss Cialis and Viagra in a later blog, so tune in….you don’t wanna miss it!
Update: I have suffered a broken leg and a concussion due to my new pole dancing, errr…… I mean, workout video. But I can still type, so my blogging will not be affected!
Showing posts with label daughter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label daughter. Show all posts
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Miss Smarty Pants
I was driving down the road the other night with my 8-year-old daughter. She started telling me that even though the stars look really small to us, they are actually many times larger than the earth.
Well, I'm glad to know she's actually been paying attention in science class!
So, I decide to engage in a bit of silliness to encourage her to use her imagination and creativity. That's what the parenting books say to do, right? Well, apparently the authors of these books have never met my daughter.
I told her that I thought it would be fun to travel to one of those stars. "Wouldn't that be interesting?" I queried. With a dramatic eye roll that only little girls can manage when dealing with their not-so-enlightened moms, she said, "Mom, you would never make it. You would be incinerated and then vaporized before you could even get to a star!"
She didn't say "UGH!" but I suspected that she wanted to. Miss Smarty Pants usually knows when to push her luck and when to keep her pie hole shut.
Who knew that an 8-year-old could be so literal-minded? No silly imagination games for this kiddo, no siree! But she's always been like this.
We went to Disney World when Miss Smarty Pants was 6, and I spotted Cinderella across the way. The line to see her was incredibly short, so I asked my daughter if she wanted to go meet Cinderella. She replied (in a very patient voice...like she was speaking to a slow child), "Mom, that's just some lady in a Cinderella costume. Cinderella is just a character from a movie. She's NOT real! Can we go ride Space Mountain again?" Oh, and don't forget the eye rolling. She's really a pro at that whole eye rolling thing! So much for the magic of Disney, right?
We did finally get a picture of her with Donald Duck, but only because he was wearing a poncho and sombrero, and she thought that was cool.
I truly believe that Miss Smarty Pants may just realize her dream of becoming a scientist. After all, she's got the brain for it. Hopefully, she won't do anything to get incinerated or vaporized..... Can I get an "AMEN?"
Well, I'm glad to know she's actually been paying attention in science class!
So, I decide to engage in a bit of silliness to encourage her to use her imagination and creativity. That's what the parenting books say to do, right? Well, apparently the authors of these books have never met my daughter.
I told her that I thought it would be fun to travel to one of those stars. "Wouldn't that be interesting?" I queried. With a dramatic eye roll that only little girls can manage when dealing with their not-so-enlightened moms, she said, "Mom, you would never make it. You would be incinerated and then vaporized before you could even get to a star!"
She didn't say "UGH!" but I suspected that she wanted to. Miss Smarty Pants usually knows when to push her luck and when to keep her pie hole shut.
Who knew that an 8-year-old could be so literal-minded? No silly imagination games for this kiddo, no siree! But she's always been like this.
We went to Disney World when Miss Smarty Pants was 6, and I spotted Cinderella across the way. The line to see her was incredibly short, so I asked my daughter if she wanted to go meet Cinderella. She replied (in a very patient voice...like she was speaking to a slow child), "Mom, that's just some lady in a Cinderella costume. Cinderella is just a character from a movie. She's NOT real! Can we go ride Space Mountain again?" Oh, and don't forget the eye rolling. She's really a pro at that whole eye rolling thing! So much for the magic of Disney, right?
We did finally get a picture of her with Donald Duck, but only because he was wearing a poncho and sombrero, and she thought that was cool.
I truly believe that Miss Smarty Pants may just realize her dream of becoming a scientist. After all, she's got the brain for it. Hopefully, she won't do anything to get incinerated or vaporized..... Can I get an "AMEN?"
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