Girl, You Need Some Product in That Hair!

I remember when I was a kid/teenager.  When we went into a beauty salon, we asked for some hairspray or mousse or gel, or whatever it was that we needed.  Nowadays, you have to ask for "product."  It's not "a product," just "product."  Don't get this wrong or you may get the stank eye from the ladies at the hair salon.

Stank eye with lots of product.

On a side note, is it just me, or does Taylor Swift always look like she's giving the stank eye?

Stank eye or a kid trying to look sultry?

But I digress....

I was in the beauty salon the other day to get some de-tangler stuff product for my daughter's hair.  The lady helping me was just gushing over this new stuff called it's a 10.  This stuff is supposed to be "just awesome for the hair, just awesome!"  I looked at the bottle and the description said, "miracle leave-in product."  Huh.  Not very descriptive.  So I decided to get more info from the hair lady.

Me:  Well, what does it do?
Hair Lady:  It just makes the hair so AWESOME! 
Me:  Does it make it curly, straight, shiny, lustrous, smooth, full?  What?
Hair Lady:  Yes, it's AWESOME! 
{key word here is awesome}

Me:  But what is the purpose of it?  WHAT DOES IT DO TO THE HAIR?
Hair Lady:  Well, it makes it just...
Me:  If you say "awesome," I will gouge out your eyes with a hair pick.
Hair Lady:  ...awe.....uhhh.  Super!  Your hair will look super!
Me:  Does it add volume, brightness, length, health, charisma?
{charisma- WTF?  I was just jacking with her at this point.}
Hair Lady:  Yes, and it has vitamins!
Me:  Ooooh, vitamins!  Does it have A, C, D, E, B12, niacin, zinc, and riboflavin?
Hair Lady:  Oh, it has everything, hun!
Me:  What about essential amino acids?
Hair Lady:  It has everything essential!  It's awe.....errr....fabulous!
Me:  Does it have phenylalanine, leucine, selenocysteine, and glutamine?  {Yeah, I took biochemistry, biatches!}
Hair Lady:  Oh girl!  It's got everything you need for fabulous hair!
Me:  What about flatulanine?  {I totally made that one up!}
Hair Lady:  All the essentials, sweetie!
Me:  Well, that sounds great, but I don't think I can buy it unless it has hask placenta.
Hair Lady:  Ohhh, I'll have to ask somebody about that.

So she leaves for a minute to ask a placenta expert, I assume.  While we're waiting for her return, let's discuss the whole hask placenta thing. 

"What is a hask," you may ask.  Hey, that rhymed!  Well, I don't know what the hell a hask is supposed to be, but hask placenta comes out of a sheep after she births a lamb.  EWE!  (Bad pun, I know...)

Let's put some sheep afterbirth on our heads!

Baaaaa!

Apparently, sheep placenta is supposed to be excellent for the hair.  I have heard this over and over, but just don't understand it.  If it's so good for hair, then why don't sheep have hairy placentas?  Huh?  Answer me that!  I've seen tons of sheep placentas (TMI?), and not one of them was hairy!  Guess I debunked that theory!

Ok, we done with that topic?  Good.

So hair lady comes back and informs me that there is no placenta in this product, but they do have some excellent hask placenta product.  She brings me the package, and I pretend to search the back. 

Me:  Oh, but it doesn't have flatulanine.  Guess I'll have to check around.  Bye!

And I left her standing there wondering what the hell flatulanine is.  Maybe she'll Google it and come upon my little post.  Hee hee hee...