She walks, she talks, she crawls on her belly like a reptile. She's almost human. It's.....THE OPTO-MOM!!!

Sunday, July 24, 2011

My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Ramada


A hooker who goes by the name, “Milkshake” was arrested with her cohort, “Sparkle,” at a Ramada Inn in Waterloo, Iowa.
Allegedly, the police were tipped off that Milkshake and Sparkle had an ad on craigslist, advertising their, ummmm, bidness.

Police called the number, and an undercover policeman was told to go to the Ramada Inn, where he was offered a BJ for $200.

TWO-HUNDRED DOLLARS? Holy gonorrhea lips, Batman!!! I have to say that Sparkle is a pretty young lady, but Milkshake looks like she’s been blended a little too long, if you know what I mean. She looks kinda rough for a 22-year-old.

Perhaps they should advertise like this genius of marketing techniques:


Samantha Jo Daniel, 18, also from Iowa, was arrested in a sting operation after she wrote her hooking advertisement on the wall of an apartment elevator. "Will Fuck for $," with her phone number.

It's really pretty smart, if you think about it. The ad is concise and to the point.

Also, she's cut out the bane of the hooker's existance...the pimpy middleman, and she operates with low overhead. No pesky paper or fancy flyers for this gal.

Oh, no. All she needs is a magic marker and her womanly "assets."

And why am I feeling the urge to sing, "Love in an Elevator?" Perhaps because this ho looks at least 20 years older than Steven Tyler, and she's only 18!

To be honest with you, I had no idea that Iowa was becoming a hub of prostitutional activity.

I guess with this damn economy...

Friday, July 8, 2011

I’ll Take Weiner For $49.95

Weiner, Weiner, Weiner.

Until other titillating news overtook The Great Weiner Scandal of 2011, all of America seemed to be enthralled with this goofy bastard.

If you’ve been living in Zimbabwe or something and don’t know about this, Congressman Anthony Weiner was caught twittering inappropriate pictures of his crotch (are there any “appropriate” pictures of one’s crotch?) to women across the U.S.

Now he’s decided to give up his seat. Isn’t that what he was trying to get those women to do? Give up their seats?

Ba-dum-dum! Thank you! I'll be here all week!

So what will the lad do with all of his time now?

Perhaps he should become a photographer. He’s certainly shown a proclivity for self-portraiture.

Or maybe he can get a job at this place:
I just don't think I could eat anything from this building.
I'll bet he could help this place get some business:
Or he could even help to develop children's this one:
Yay!  Meat!

I doubt he’s getting any money from this, but Herobuilders has come up with an Anthony Weiner doll. The basic model is $39.95.

However, there is also an anatomically correct version of the doll that is $49.95.

{cricket, cricket}

Am I the only one that finds it hilarious that the doll WITH the penis is only $10 more than the PG-13 version? Guess the doll-makers weren’t too impressed with Anthony’s wiener.

Perhaps I shouldn’t call it a doll. I think it’s actually considered an “action-figure,” which is code for “little-boys-wanna-play-with-dolls-too-but-their-daddies-won’t-let-them-so-they-made-up-a-fake-macho-name-for-them.”

Like G.I. Joe was an action figure. Hey…I wonder if the Weiner doll has the kung fu grip too?

Thank you very much!  Please remember to tip your waitresses!