So, of course, I ended up with 3 dresses for her - they were on sale - DON’T judge me!
While I was at JCPenney‘s, I decided that I needed some new undies. I’m just minding my own bidness in the underbritches section, when I saw this.
Omigawd! Is anyone’s ass actually that small? How do you even take a poop when your backside is not much larger than a friggin’ peanut? Here is another picture for some perspective.
That’s a quarter beside the teeny tiny drawers. If we stay with this analogy, my undies could pay down the national deficit.
Even though I felt like a fatass after seeing these miniscule ass covers, I picked out some new undergarments (also on sale - woooohoooo for me!) and headed to The Wal-Mart for my household items.
After my last trip to The Wal-Mart (click here to read about the cashier and her coochie), I know you’re probably surprised that I would go back.
Alas, I am known in this land as BraveLiver (BraveHeart was already taken…), so I stoically entered the store of doom and began my shopping. They were out of my deodorant (assholes), so I moseyed on over to the shoe section to find Miss Smarty Pants some Easter shoes.
[Side note: I was going to buy her some shoes at Penney’s, but they were all, like $50, and her feet grow about eleventy inches a week, so I’m being a cheapskate on these shoes she will only wear once a week for about an hour. Also, she is only 9 years old, but wears a size 10 in ladies shoes, and all of the shoes in that size at Penney’s looked like stripper shoes.]
[Side note #2: Good Lord, does anyone know how to make my kid’s foot stop growing?!?!? Or does anyone know when Shaquille O‘Neal is having a garage sale? And does he have a penchant for sparkly open-toe sandals and flip-flops? Probably NOT??? Well, shit!]
Apparently, Wal-Mart has hired Charles Manson to organize their shoe section.
|This is helter skelter right here people!|
It sure is nice of those prison officials to let Mr. Helter Skelter out to do hands-on research on global warming. I didn't even know he was a scientist! Now, let’s let him work on the deficit. I’ll donate my underwear……