Fun with Congress

I’ve found a new site that tells about the bills and resolutions the U.S. Congress has been considering and passing. Some of this stuff is just downright crazy! Take a look at the "important" work these folks have been doing.

Resolution supporting goals and ideals of National Stuttering Awareness Week – Sen. Ted Kaufman, D-DE
Umm, I think if you stutter, you’re probably already aware of it, and there’s no need to dedicate a whole week to this cause. Furthermore, if you have a stuttering problem, do you really want attention brought to it? Hell, let’s dedicate a whole week to people who poop their pants. We don’t want to leave out anyone who may have embarrassing habits. No sir, let’s point them all out to the entire country! Th-th-thank you very m-m-much!

Congratulating Phil Mickelson on winning the 2010 Masters golf tournament – Rep. Paul Brown, R-GA
Well, that’s just dandy, but does Congress really have to draw up a resolution and waste time voting on it just to say “Congratulations, Phil! Way to go, big guy!”

Honoring Robert Kelly Slater for his outstanding and unprecedented achievement in the world of surfing - Rep. Bill Posey, R-FL
Whoa, dude! That is so gnarly! NOT!

A resolution supporting and recognizing the goals and ideals of RV Centennial Celebration Month to commemorate 100 years of recreation vehicles in the U.S. - Sen. Evan Bayh, D-IN
And then Congress could all stand up and sing “Holiday Road” from the National Lampoon’s Family Vacation movie. Do you think they would show that on C-SPAN?

A resolution to recognize the Dyke Marsh Wildlife Preserve as a unique and precious ecosystem. - Sen. Jim Webb, D-VA
I have trouble taking seriously any bill or resolution that contains the word “precious.”

Supporting the goals and ideals of American Craft Beer Week – Rep. Betsy Markey, D-CO
What exactly are the “goals and ideals” associated with beer? I think, perhaps, some of our Representatives have met and exceeded all of their beer goals. I also have trouble taking seriously anyone named “Betsy,” unless she's sewing flags.

A resolution supporting the goals and ideals of World Water Day. - Sen. John Kerry, D-MA
I like water just as much as the next person, but I think this is just an excuse for the Senators to take a day off for a giant swim party. This is actually a great idea because that would be one less day they are meeting to discuss inane proposals like this!

A resolution designating May 2010 as "National X and Y Chromosomal Variations Awareness Month". Sen. Samuel Brownback, R-KS
I just don't know what to say about this, except that I bet this guy could put a group of hummingbirds on crack to sleep.

A resolution expressing support for designation of March as “National Whole Child Month.” Sen. Kay Hagan, D-NC
Which month is "National Half Child Month?" I think that those who have children would agree that half a child would be a lot less expensive. Just think: only half the clothes and shoes to buy!

A bill supporting the goals and ideals of the Year of the Lung 2010. Sen. Blanche Lincoln, D-AR
I'm personally a fan of Year of the Gall Bladder. I find it much more exciting because of all the bile. Perhaps Congress can designate a Year of the Brain. I think they need it!