Newsflash Involving Orgasms That Have Nothing To Do With Charlie Sheen

I did a Newsflash last week, and it was so much fun I decided to make it a series. If you haven’t read last week’s, go check it out here. Then make sure to come back here for your weekly dose of crazy current events that you may not see on your local news. This week’s theme is something we all know and love: junk food.

DON’T TOUCH MY COOKIES, BITCH!

Hersha Howard, a 31-year-old Florida woman, certainly loves her Girl Scout cookies. 

Do NOT F*ck with her Thin Mints.

She woke up to find that her Thin Mints were missing, so she began chasing her roommate around the room with a pair a scissors. She then proceeded to beat her roomie with a board and a sign. I wonder if the sign said, “Chill out, bitch. You can always buy more cookies!”

 

OREOS GIVE HER OH-OH-OH-ORGASMS

This story involves Gabi Jones, a 25-year-old woman from Colorado.

Gabi Jones, a woman who has apparently had MANY orgasms!

Due to a condition called persistent genital arousal disorder, Gabi has an orgasm whenever she eats junk food.



{cricket, cricket}


Oh, sorry! I got distracted there for a minute. I’m still trying to figure out the best way to develop this particular disorder.

Good Lord, this is my dream disease! I could sit around and eat ice cream and pizza and Reese’s peanut butter cups all day AND HAVE ORGASMS! Who gives a shit if you get fat? Because you wouldn’t need a man…just Doritos.

This concludes your Newsflash for the week.  Tune in next week for more!

Opto-Mom out!