She walks, she talks, she crawls on her belly like a reptile. She's almost human. It's.....THE OPTO-MOM!!!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Newsflash Involving Orgasms That Have Nothing To Do With Charlie Sheen

I did a Newsflash last week, and it was so much fun I decided to make it a series. If you haven’t read last week’s, go check it out here. Then make sure to come back here for your weekly dose of crazy current events that you may not see on your local news. This week’s theme is something we all know and love: junk food.


Hersha Howard, a 31-year-old Florida woman, certainly loves her Girl Scout cookies. 
Do NOT F*ck with her Thin Mints.

She woke up to find that her Thin Mints were missing, so she began chasing her roommate around the room with a pair a scissors. She then proceeded to beat her roomie with a board and a sign. I wonder if the sign said, “Chill out, bitch. You can always buy more cookies!”


This story involves Gabi Jones, a 25-year-old woman from Colorado.

Gabi Jones, a woman who has apparently had MANY orgasms!
Due to a condition called persistent genital arousal disorder, Gabi has an orgasm whenever she eats junk food.

{cricket, cricket}

Oh, sorry! I got distracted there for a minute. I’m still trying to figure out the best way to develop this particular disorder.

Good Lord, this is my dream disease! I could sit around and eat ice cream and pizza and Reese’s peanut butter cups all day AND HAVE ORGASMS! Who gives a shit if you get fat? Because you wouldn’t need a man…just Doritos.

This concludes your Newsflash for the week.  Tune in next week for more!

Opto-Mom out!


  1. oh my god. Is that really a disease. I must research that. Because, I want to be in that club I tell ya.

  2. Um, two questions: Why would dear Gabi seek out press coverage (other than to induce jealousy)?and How in the world did you find that jewel of a news item?

  3. I read the one about the cookies, and it was the thin mints that she was fighting over. Which cracks me up because that is my favorite girl scout cookie. And no one in my house will eat them, yay for me.

    And as for the 2nd picture/story, it is probably just as good that she gets off on junk food because chances are that there is not many men who have big enough man junk to get it in her. lol