She walks, she talks, she crawls on her belly like a reptile. She's almost human. It's.....THE OPTO-MOM!!!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

This is the post where you can call me a dumbass.

Back in early October, I wrote about my fabulous ass-busting, ankle-twisting episode right before I was leaving for Las Vegas on a business/pleasure trip. If you are a new reader, here is the link to that gem. I can’t believe that some of you may not have experienced my entire body of work in order to fully appreciate my depravity. Get to work, people! READ!

Anyway, this was over 10 weeks ago, and since then my ankle has continued to swell and I’ve been limping around like Horace Pinker from the movie Shocker.

You totally need to watch this movie!

Notice from this movie poster that Horace Pinker was executed on October 2nd. This is the same date that I hurt my ankle. Coincidence? Hmmmmm….

Anyhoo, I never had my ankle x-rayed, but when I went to my OB/GYN last week (don’t freak out men, I’m not going to give any details) he was concerned about my ankle swelling and made me an appointment with a podiatrist, Dr. W.

My husband had an accident about 4 years ago and shattered his heel, so he was referred to this same podiatrist. Now, I’m not one to just go around gawking at men (probably because most of them aren’t worth my gawk), but this doc is HOTT! And you know I’m serious when I add an extra “T” on the end of the word.

I showed up at my appointment and the nurse took me to get x-rays and then showed me to an exam room. By the way, I love going to a doctor’s visit where they don’t weigh you. It’s like when you put money in a vending machine and it spits out an extra bag of M&Ms. BOO-YAH!

So Dr. Hottie came in the room and asked me this very important question:

“Ummmm, why are you naked?”

What? I wasn’t sure what all he needed to check out. You know what I’m sayin’? {Wink,wink}

So he starts pulling and pushing and poking around. On my FOOT - okay, people? He kept asking stuff like:
“And it’s been HOW long since the injury?”
“So you’ve just been walking around on it every day?”
“Have you ever seen a naked podiatrist?”

Ok, he didn’t really ask that last question. I was just making sure you were still with me here.

Then Dr. McHandsome looks at the x-ray, and guess what he saw?

My goddamn fibula is broken! By the way, this is the point where you get to call me a moron/idiot/dumbass for waiting so long to take care of this. Go ahead…I can take it!

So now I’m in a walking boot thingy for 5 weeks, at which point I go back to see Dr. Fabulous. He was also pretty concerned about the ligaments on the outside of my ankle, but he wants to get the bone healed and then we will think about an MRI if it’s necessary.

Between now and then, I think I will buy a sassy piece of lingerie to wear to my next visit. Because, APPARENTLY, it’s frowned upon to be totally naked in the podiatry office. Who knew?


  1. You can't possibly mean it if you didn't spell it "hwatt." I'm just sayin'.

    Still, good Lord! I can't believe it's broken! And I totally can't judge you, because yesterday, my kid smacked his face on the corner of a park bench, gushed blood everywhere scaring the holy hell out of me, and I decided "eh, no need for stitches." So. Yeah.

  2. Consider yourself lucky, I have never had a hot nurse or doctor. Why are there no hot female nurses or doctors outside of the ones you see on tv?

    Sorry about your bone by the way.

  3. Sorry to hear about your fibula. Glad you have a hot doctor!! Nice how things balance isn't it?! Go naked to the doctor again just tell him the pain meds made you forget which doctor you were at or something. LOL you never know he might wanna nibble-ah the fibula - mmm! LOL

  4. oh my god woman. do you think dr. mchandsome would let you snap a picture of him for you blog. what? I've asked random people.

  5. BOO-YAH is right! I love that when they don't weigh you! And kudos on the M&M thought.

    My sister broke hers in the spring walking across her bedroom. Yeah, she didn't want to go to the doctor either, and the crazy woman drove herself with a broken right leg. If you are like us, the tendons around our ankles are crap anyway.

    I second what Dazee said! We wanna see!

  6. So that means more blog posts from you YAY!! :D.

    j/k, sorry to hear about your ankle, you better take care of it, it can become serious.

  7. You're my XXX button holder for the week.

    Christmas hugs and kisses, boo!