She walks, she talks, she crawls on her belly like a reptile. She's almost human. It's.....THE OPTO-MOM!!!

Monday, October 4, 2010

The One-Legged Opto-Mom Goes to Vegas

I had the WORST day on Saturday.  I woke up with an upset stomach, but went ahead to work, even though I felt like crapola.  I made it through the workday, and headed home.  When I got home, I found a lovely little snake on my front porch.  UGH!  If you don't know how I feel about snakes, read this.  I called Signore Sexy Pants, and he left his friend's house to come home and rescue me from the little green grass snake big giant anaconda.  When he arrived, I was curled up on the bed sucking my thumb with the blankets over my head.  What?  A bit dramatic? 

Anyway, the snake was gone when he got there, which kind of freaks me out even more than seeing the slithery little bastard in the first place.  So I got my stuff together to go with my husband to band practice.  My stomach was feeling much better, we were rocking out to the band (the name of the band is "SnakeBone" by the way), and I was sipping a Patron margarita.  Things were definitely looking up! 

Well, the band dudes have to stop playing at 10:00 p.m. because the neighbor (Larry) starts calling about the noise at 10:01.  We call it Larry Standard Time.  So we decided to meet some friends who were celebrating a birthday at a local bar.  I walked out to get in the truck, and that's where the trouble started.

Apparently, walking is too difficult a task for me.  I was actually stepping off a curb, which is a trick move in my world.  I twisted my ankle and landed FLAT. ON. MY BACK.  I did receive a 9.8 from the German judge, though I think I would have gotten a 10 if I had stuck the landing.

Here's a little hint for you guys.....don't mix Patron with wedge heels.  Follow my advice or this may happen to you:

At least my toenails look good.

This happened Saturday night, and I'm supposed to go to Las Vegas on Tuesday (tomorrow!).  How the hell am I supposed to get to the airport, check my luggage, get on and then off the plane, retrieve my luggage, and get to the hotel while on crutches?

But don't you worry!  I AM GOING TO LAS VEGAS!!!!  No matter what!  If I have to tie my suitcase around my waist with my own intestines and drag it by crawling to the terminal, I WILL be on that plane.  I am meeting my two awesome aunts (Beverly and Mary) there, and we are going to have a blast.  Can someone please call Vegas and warn them that we are on our way?  They may need to assemble a SWAT team or the National Guard.  Or maybe they can just have some EMT's follow me around in case I decide to break my toe or sprain my hair or something.

When I told Aunt Beverly about my accident, here is what she said, "I don't know if a one-legged niece can keep up with me and Wild Mary."  This is my first trip to Vegas, and they are determined to show me a good time.  I think I'm slightly afraid..... 

It may be a good idea for me to stay away from the casinos, since my luck hasn't exactly been stellar lately.  But I will probably drop a coin or two.  Wish me luck!


  1. On the contrary, this is the perfect opportunity for your luck to turn around.

    My parents have gone a couple times, and they've always said they've had the best luck with the slot machines right at the airport. Drop a coin or two there.

    Also, I've heard you can't go wrong with Wheel of Fortune.

    But don't take my word for any of this, last time I was in Vegas I was barely old enough to ride the roller coasters.

  2. @Jeff, thanks for the encouragement and advice. At this point, if I win a quarter, I'll consider it "hitting the BIG time!"

  3. Look at it this way. You can get the airport to drive you on their little cart thing. that's a plus. you could get a wheelchair in vegas. be pampered.

    You will have a blast. I'm jealous

  4. For the record, that totally made me cringe. Also, you were robbed! That's totally a perfect 10 right there.

    Feel better soon, and if you don't, maybe if you show up to the airport in a wheelchair you can get a better seat.

  5. Oh, no you poor thing! Just drink more patron. Laying down.

  6. First of all, your foot: Oh my f#%K! But I'm with you, you do what you have to to go to Vegas and show everyone what an opto-mom is made of!
    As for the snake, don't worry, he'll be waiting for you when you return. Sounds to me like he has a little snake-crush on you....Come on, doesnt' that make him sound so much cuter when I put it that way?
    Have a blast in Vegas girlie, can't wait for all the juicy details. YOu do realize that the "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" rule does not apply to bloggers.