Mother's Day Flowers - online

By request, I am talking about online flower ordering today. It’s almost Mother’s Day, and we are inundated daily with flower commercials on the TV, radio, and online. You know the ones: You are offered a beautiful arrangement for only $29.99…that’s right, only $29.99! Order today, and you get a free vase!

Huh? Wait a minute. A free VASE? That seems kind of like going to the grocery store and seeing a sign that says, “Buy milk today and it comes in a free carton!” Or going to the Sonic to get a drink and they advertise their free styrofoam cups with a drink purchase. Ooooh, what a deal! What were you going to do, just pour it in my hand? I bought some laundry detergent the other day, and it came in a free box! I felt like I had won the lottery (NOT!).

Now, I have some experience in the flower biz. My mom was a florist for almost 25 years, so I practically grew up in flower shops. Unless you ordered a bouquet wrapped in paper, the flowers always came in some type of vase. This is called an arrangement, and the vase is part of it. It’s not like the online flower store is offering ancient Greek etched vases or Tiffany vases. They are just your common, everyday variety in clear, pink, or green glass.

Ok, enough about the vases. So, you think you’re getting a good deal for $29.99, right? Well, let’s just check out and see. I definitely expected a delivery charge. That seems reasonable to me. Of course they don’t tell you the delivery charge until after you’ve entered your name, address, social security number, shoe size, hair color, results of your last pelvic exam, credit card info (including that little 3 digit number on the back…don’t forget that!), the recipient’s name, address, phone number, dog’s name, and the e-mail addresses of everyone in your family. And don’t leave any blanks or all manner of red letters and asterisks will pop up on your screen telling you that you can’t continue until you enter the name of your health insurance provider, or some other such nonsense.

So you finally get to the payment screen, and realize that you’ve missed the deadline for the free vase. Apparently, you had to make your purchase before midnight, Sri Lankan Standard Time. So, they just add $9.99 to your order for the vase. {sigh} Then you see that the delivery charge is $14.99. Well, ok. After all, they are delivering it right to her door! So you click purchase. This is the point where they add on the “rural delivery fee,” which is an additional $14.99. This is for anyone who lives in a city with less than 8 million people.

Then you get a little pop-up asking if you want to include a Mother’s Day card with your order. Well, of course I do! That will save me a trip to Wal-Mart and the post office, right? Check the yes button, and they add another $9.99 for the card. Where the h*#$ do these people buy their cards? For $9.99, it better be one of those cards that sings. Heck, for $9.99 it better dance too!

So, our grand total for a small arrangement of flowers (advertised at $29.99) with a card is $79.95! But by the time I’d finished filling out all the forms, it was too late to go out and buy anything. Ok, that’s not true. I just really, really wanted that free Farmville Cash. For those of you who don't farm on facebook, Farmville was offering 100 free FV cash with your online flower order. You know I had to have those new adobe cottages. I simply adore adobe! It’s fun to say, too. Come on, say it with me: “ADOBE!” Hey, wasn’t that a blast?

Now, where was I? Oh yes, Mother's Day flowers. In hindsight, perhaps it would be best to just run down to your local flower shop and order a lovely arrangement (in a vase) and save almost 50 bucks! Then you would have money left over to buy mom some earrings or perfume. Or just forget the flowers and buy her one of those new e-readers. I sure do love those new e-readers. E-readers are awesome, so I've heard. I wouldn't know from personal experience, since I don't have one. But an e-reader would be a perfect gift for the mom who loves to read. Anyone smell a hint floating around here?

Happy Mother's Day to everyone! Hope you get lots of love (and maybe an e-reader).