She walks, she talks, she crawls on her belly like a reptile. She's almost human. It's.....THE OPTO-MOM!!!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Days 2 and 3 of the P90X Saga

In my previous blog, I recounted the trials and tribulations of Day 1 (chest and back) in the P90X exercise program. Now that I have regained partial use of my arms, I thought I would let you know about Days 2 and 3. On Day 2, I did the Ab Ripper X workout.

I have cleverly deduced the reason they call it Ab Ripper X. It is because, after completing this little jewel, you will want to reach down your own throat and rip out your abdominal muscles. Yes, this is a fun one, boys and girls! Satan (the dude from the video) has concluded that I must be punished for some past misdeed, and he has taken it out on my abs.

My husband and my 8-year-old daughter (Miss Smarty Pants) joined me in this celebration of abdominal torture, and it made me feel a little better that I heard several grunts of pain from my husband. I know, that’s mean, but WHATEVER! What did NOT make me feel better was Miss Smarty Pants and her little comments, “Wow! This is easy!” “I did all 25 reps without stopping!” And my personal favorite, “Daddy, why is Mommy crying?”

At this point, I’m thinking that water-boarding doesn’t sound so bad! Perhaps they could force captured terrorists to perform Ab Ripper X. “You wanna blow up stuff in our country? Well, buddy, another hour of this might make you think twice before messing with us!” I think it could be quite effective in deterring terrorism. Mainly because they won’t be able to sit up straight long enough to fly a plane or drive a truck. Hell, I can’t even put on my own socks after doing this DVD!

Now that I've solved the terrorism problem in our country (you're welcome!), let’s talk about Day 3, shall we? This DVD is known as “Plyometrics.” Sounds innocuous enough, right? Maybe we’ll do some geometry or study the metric system. Not my idea of a good time, but hey, I could suffer through it.

Well, folks, the other term for plyometrics has nothing to do with mathematics. Nope! It’s also known as “jump training.” Uh oh! It basically consists of an entire hour of jumping, leaping, lungeing and twisting. I had to go get my ShamWOW to clean up all of the sweat pouring out of my body! There were three 30 second water breaks (that’s 90 seconds out of an hour!), during which I drank about 2 ½ gallons of water.

At this point, I am thinking that I would rather be interrogated by Jack Bauer than EVER do plyometrics again. My legs and butts are still quivering, causing me to stagger around like a drunken sailor. I got stuck on the toilet for an hour earlier because I couldn’t stand up. I guess I’m going to have to get some of those handicapped bars installed in my bathroom.

But I shall press on! If I am in this much pain, it must be working, right? In the meantime, can someone come over here and put my socks on for me? I’ll be waiting on the toilet. Thanks!


  1. omg, so loving your blog. thanks for the laughter.

  2. Girl, I'll be right over to help you up! I know several ppl who are doing this program, and everyone struggled at first! I am terrified of it, I want the results, but I do not relish the suffering. I think I'll see how it goes for you before I decide! So keep us updated!

  3. I'm getting my abs. workout from reading your blog and laughing hard! Thanks for doing all the grunt work!

  4. Thanks everyone! Joni, I think "grunt" is the operative word here! LOL

  5. OMG that is halarious! The boys do that and they are a) YOUNG AND B) would think that would help ''NOT!!!'' Garrett was throwing up by the first 15mins!! This tells me I would NEVER make it past uhhhh the first 1.1 mins (;

  6. You are hilarious! I give you props for doing day 2 and 3, I would have quit after day 1! My 8 year old son did my yoga video with me once and his happy comments made me want to poke him in the eye ;) He took one look at the what I was doing during the 30 day shred, shook his head and left the room! Level 3 has jump trainging and it totally sucks!