She walks, she talks, she crawls on her belly like a reptile. She's almost human. It's.....THE OPTO-MOM!!!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

The Commercial

One evening I was watching TV with my 8-year-old daughter, the aforementioned Miss Smarty Pants (MSP), for those of you that have been following along with my blogs. It was late on a Friday night, and we were enjoying some quality time as fellow couch potatoes, watching old sitcoms. During the commercial break a pleasant voice came out of my TV. It said, “Are you tired of carrying around that extra weight?”

Me: “YES!”

TV Person: “Is it hard for you to get to the gym for expensive and time-consuming training or aerobic classes?”

Me: “Duh!”

TV Person: “Do you enjoy dancing?”

Me: “Yeah, baby! I love to shake my tailfeathers!”

TV Person: “Well, this is the workout video for you.”

Me: “Yippee!”

TV Person: “Try our fun and effective pole dancing instructional DVD! Lose weight while learning the most sexy and exotic moves we could find!” {Video of scantily-clad ladies grinding on chairs and spinning on poles accompanied the voice at this point.}

Me: {Shit, shit, shit!  Fumbling for the remote and speaking in an extremely loud voice…} “SO HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?”

I finally got the channel changed after a seemingly endless 10 seconds of more spinning, bumping and grinding. I was shocked that they would show this commercial on anything other than the Spice Channel, but thought that maybe I had distracted MSP with my quick-thinking and witty conversation.

No such luck! The next day, we were in a very crowded restaurant when MSP piped up (in that really loud voice kids use when they are saying something inappropriate), “Hey, Mom. Remember that lady dancing on that pole last night? That was funny!”

Oh, dear Lord! Now everyone was looking at me like I had drowned a puppy or something, which I guess is normal if they have reason to believe you've been chillaxin' at the local strip joint with your small child. Why, oh why didn’t I have my finger on the power button in case some semi-porn popped up on TV Land? Well, perhaps because I wasn’t expecting to see strippers during a commercial break while watching Full House. Who would’ve thought???

Somehow we made it through the rest of lunch without anyone calling Child Protective Services, but I’ve learned my lesson now. I always keep the remote control in my hand at all times when my daughter is in the room.

And while we’re on the subject, what is up with all of the commercials touting Cialis and Viagra? And they show those during prime time, not just on late night TV! Exactly how do you explain erectile dysfunction to an 8-year-old? I think I’ll discuss Cialis and Viagra in a later blog, so tune in….you don’t wanna miss it!

Update: I have suffered a broken leg and a concussion due to my new pole dancing, errr…… I mean, workout video. But I can still type, so my blogging will not be affected!


  1. Girl, step away from that!

  2. ROTFLOL...Shelia, you should REALLY consider becoming a comedy writer! Seriously. They pay good money for that. Loving the blog, chica!

  3. Thanks! I like the sound of that! LOL

  4. Shelia you are so invited to come over and use my ''exercise pole'' at any time! First we have to put it boys keep insisting its a ''stripper'' pole I keep insisting its an ''exercise pole'' so Garrett in all his wisdom asked if he could go to the ''EXERCISE CLUB AND WATCH THE GIRLS EXERCISE'' Cute huh! Hence the poles still on floor.......didnt think itd be right to ask them to put up momma POLE LOL