They Can Take My Life, But They'll Never Take My Gravy!

Ok, readers. I’m really pissed off. First of all, I went to the airport to get one of those pat-downs, and I was turned away. Apparently, you have to buy a ticket and actually plan to get on a plane before they let you in the security line. UGH!


Seems discriminatory against someone trying to get a little touchy-feely action, but that’s just my opinion.


So, I was going to buy a ticket to Wisconsin and get my pat-down on. However, it turns out that the TSA has banned several items this holiday season. Here is a list of these banned items:


Cranberry sauce
Creamy dips and spreads
Jams
Gravy
Soups
Liquor
Snow globes


What the hell, TSA? Just. What. The. Hell???


This means that I can’t take my cheesy Ro-Tel dip on the plane with me. And how am I supposed to endure a flight without gravy?


I can understand the banning of liquor, because they want you to buy the fine liquor they offer on the plane. That’s just simple economics and marketing. Fine. But until they start serving gravy on the plane, I feel that we should be able to bring our own. What am I supposed to dip my pretzels in?


I just can’t seem to relax during a flight if I don’t have my little container of spinach-artichoke dip with me. Can I get an AMEN over here? I already have my Chicken in a Biskit crackers packed in my carry-on bag, but now they shall go dipless. It’s a damn travesty, I tell you!


And can someone please tell me what the TSA has against snow globes? I never go anywhere without my “Bigfoot Riding a Sled” snow globe. I think this should be classified as a national emergency. Take us to DEFCON 4!

Me TRYING to have a Happy Thanksgiving

The worst part of it is the ban on cranberry sauce. If I’m going to visit my sister-in-law in Wisconsin for Thanksgiving, what am I supposed to do about cranberry sauce? What if they don’t have cranberry sauce in Wisconsin? Someone call the ACLU, because my cranberry rights are totally being violated.


I assume that some wacky terrorist has tried to hijack a plane with strawberry jam and a cheese ball (I just flippin’ love those cheese balls!), so they have ruined it for the rest of us.


Thanks a lot, terrorists!  No, really...THANKS!