She walks, she talks, she crawls on her belly like a reptile. She's almost human. It's.....THE OPTO-MOM!!!

Monday, November 29, 2010

...And Don't Call Me Shirley!

Well, the Opto-Mom is sad….very sad. Actor Leslie Nielsen has died {sniff, sniff}.

I’m not ashamed to say that I absolutely adore goofy comedies. Nielsen played Dr. Rumack onboard a near-fated flight in “Airplane!” and the hapless Detective Frank Drebin in the “Naked Gun” movies. If you haven’t seen these movies, then you are seriously missing out on some insane silliness that will keep you in stitches.

Let’s just use this post to review and enjoy some of the choice lines from these two Nielsen characters. In other words, I’m mailing it in today.

Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.

Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it?
Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.  [my favorite!]

Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can't tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor.

Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
Elaine: Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.
Rumack: Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.

Frank: That's the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed: Sex, Frank?
Frank: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

Hapsburg: I don't recall your name on the guest list.
Frank: That's OK. I sometimes go by my maiden name.

Frank (on his love, Jane): But there she was, just like I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face, and a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say, “Hey, look at me!” She was the kind of woman that made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man. Yeahhhhh. She reminded me of my mother all right, no doubt about it.

Dr. Meinheimer: Lieutenant, I really do hope you find the people responsible.
Frank: Well, I’m sorry I can’t be more optimistic, doctor, but we have a long road ahead of us. Like having sex, it’s a painstaking, arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way… nothing happens.

Hapsburg: You do speak French, don’t you?
Frank: Unfortunately no, but I do kiss that way.

Frank (on the environment): I want a world where Frank Junior, and all the Frank Juniors, can sit under a shade tree, breathe the air, swim in the ocean, and go into a 7-11 without an interpreter.

Frank: It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Thanks for indulging me today. Surely this has brought a smile to your face.

I know, I know...stop calling you Shirley!


  1. I loved his roles in Airplane and Naked Gun.

  2. He did have some really good lines. It's too bad I always picture him and pricilla all wrapped up in that huge condom

  3. Ah, Naked Gun was my favorite movie series. I'll miss him.

    RIP :(

  4. It's true. Leslie Neilsen knew funny....

  5. And a great man has passed....wish I could make a joke.

  6. Yup, the world will be a little less funny from now on.
    Very nice tribute!

  7. I know, it is sad! My husband and I love some of his quotes. We love, "I haven't had this much sex since I was a boy scout leader! I mean, at the time, I was dating a lot."