She walks, she talks, she crawls on her belly like a reptile. She's almost human. It's.....THE OPTO-MOM!!!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

2010 in Review

I’ve been trying to sit down and do an end-of-year post, but since 2010 is 6 days gone, we will call this a “New Year Retrospective Analysis.” Or how about, “Shelia is a Fucking Procrastinator.” Probably a little more accurate.

This was my first year blogging, so I’m quite the newbie, but I thought I would share some favorite posts from my brief life as a wannabe blogger. 
Swingers, Pubic Hair, and Naked Bicycle Booties
This one seems to be a fan favorite. Or maybe it just gets lots of views from Barney Frank checking to see if I’ve added any more sexy boy pics.  Now you’ve gotta go look, right?
The P90X Exercise Saga
This was a two-part series on my efforts to lose weight give myself a heart attack and die. Suicide by the P90X program.  Day One here and Days Two and Three here. Once I get my ankle healed, I shall continue with my suicide mission.
Fat Girls Make Better Shoplifters
This one was about some goofy-ass bitches who shoplifted a bunch of stuff by hiding it in their body fat and crevices. You don’t want to miss it, because you will be repulsed and amused at the same time.

You'll have to go read the post if you want to see what this has to do with shoplifting.
Snakes - Yikes!
This is the post where I get freaked the fuck out by snakes.
The Princess and the Penis
This post got a lot of hits, probably because it has the word "penis" in the title, and you people are perverts.  But that's why I love you guys.
Look!  It's a penis!
Hey, TSA...You Can Touch My Junk
Check out this post.  I know you want to hear all about my efforts to get a little action from a TSA agent, along with some fabulous Opto-Mom suggestions on how to improve the procedure.  Also, you may possibly be offended if you are a goo-goo hearted gimp who doesn't like common sense solutions.
I may or may not have been trying to smuggle this on a plane.
Viagra and Friends
In this one, I investigate the effectiveness of the Viagra and Cialis commercials.  This is hard-hitting journalism right here!
The Commercial
Here I write about watching a stripper commercial with my daughter.  Good times!

Totally appropriate viewing material for children....
Things That Get on My Damn Nerves
This is where I vent about children being allowed in the arcade at Dave and Buster's, which is the adult version of Chuck E. Cheese.
Watussi, Cacooch and Other Misfit Words
You've just gotta read this one.  I find myself unable to explain it.

Well, that's all, folks!  Don't forget to share my blog with your friends.  I plan to be much more of a blog whore in 2011, so I need more followers.


  1. I love your blog. you freaking crack me woman

  2. Of course I went right to the Princess and the Penis, but much to my dismay I had read it already. Write more phalic stuff, it really turns my perverted crank.
    As for whoring your blog in 2011, you go girl! You are funny, and I love me a good whore (takes one to know one, right.)

  3. I so enjoy reading your stuff..Not only do you have a great talent, you have one bad ass sense of humor.... Thanks for sharing!

  4. You are killing me with laughter over here.

  5. Reading some of those were a lot of fun. I ended up at the stripper one first, I'm just unable to resist a woman who can't talk.

  6. I will never, never, ever get that image of that gross nekkid ass on a bicycle out of my head. Ever.

  7. @Dazee - I'm glad you've set your standards so low!

    @Sandra - Penis, penis, penis - you whore!

    @Chris - Thanks, dude! Maybe we can hang out in the bean aisle at the grocery store again soon.

    @Oilfield - I totally don't want to kill you. I can't afford to lose any followers at this point in my blog whoring! Breathe, man! Breathe!

    @Drake - Welcome! So glad to have another sadist on board!

    @Gini - That's my goal...for you to remember me forever. Everytime you see a gross nekkid ass, you will think of me! Wahooo!

  8. You so freaking rock!! I clicked back through a few of those and the Snakes post had me pissing my pants and crying in hysterical laughter...I think the kids ran to the neighbors for help...

    Love it!!