However, before I show you the pictures and bios, I thought I would give you some pointers to avoid those uncomfortable silences that can occur during a first date. Here are some things that would be excellent to say if you notice a lull in the conversation:
1. Wanna see my gallstones? {pulling a small jar from your pocket}
2. I'll have the fava beans and a nice chianti.
3. I own stock in KY Jelly. {wink, wink}
4. Have you ever noticed that sometimes your farts smell like what you ate last night?
5. My psychic advisor says we're going to get married.
6. Which Smurf is YOUR favorite?
7. I really need to call home and check on my quadruplets. You like kids, right?
8. I just don't understand why people get all freaked out about contracting syphilis!
9. I love your perfume. It smells kinda like ass and cat food.
10. My mom likes to watch. Is that cool with you?
11. You shore got a purty mouth.
12. I illegal immigrant. You want get marry?
13. My favorite song is, "The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round."
14. I'm so excited! My proctologist said my infection is almost cleared up!
15. {mumbling} It rubs the lotion on the skin.....
16. Is it ok if I call you, "Mommy?" (This is especially charming if you're a lady asking your male date this question.
17. Dammit, when is Valtrex going to come out with once-daily dosing?
18. I'd really like to show you my basement. Put this blindfold on.
19. What color is your poo in the morning?
20. I'm a blogger!
Please try out these suggestions this weekend and let me know how they work. I'm sure you'll have great success!
Signed,
The Love Doctor
oh my god. how the hell did you do that without totally cracking up. ok, better question, how did I read it while cracking up. love you man
ReplyDeleteI would totally say 90% of those on a first date.
ReplyDeleteThat's how I weed out the uptight!
I'm glad I'm out of the dating seen. I wouldn't know what to say. Be careful, some people might even get turned on by some of these comments. Weirdos!
ReplyDelete